Expats can be incredibly difficult people to deal with. I say this after 26 years of expat life, and I include myself as someone that can be difficult at times even though I generally make an effort not to be quite so difficult. The internet has made expat life even more bizarre than it has historically been because now expats can act out in public for large (or small) groups of strangers without taking even the least bit of responsibility for their weirdness.
image from planetasia.org
What brought this topic up? A few paragraphs in one of Paul Theroux’s travel books about his meeting with some expats in Thailand as well as the regular shenanigans over at any one of many expat forums and facebook groups. And so, the expat life (including myself at times although I generally refer to myself as an immigrant):
- You pretend not to notice other foreigners around you.
- You regularly bring up the days, months and years that you’ve been an expat on the belief that the longer you reside overseas the more you know.
- You love to speak Indonesian, or better, Balinese in front of your expat friends, but only if you know that they know less than you do.
- You make a point of eating all the local dishes including things that no regular expat would eat including parts of a chicken like the feet.
- You have a significant other who either speaks English (or your national language for those of you who come from non-English speaking countries) fluently or not at all. You never want your significant other to speak “broken English” because your friends will think your S.O. is either a bar girl or a cowboy.
- You have children who speak at least two languages.
- You make a point of eating local food, but have a kitchen filled with the most expensive imported items available.
- You make a point of knowing obscure points of Balinese or Indonesian history so that you can best your expat friends on forums or at dinner parties.
- You regularly drop the names of well-known local politicians, business leaders, or artists (musicians, painters, writers, etc.). You don’t actually need to know them, you only have to convince others that you do.
- You only wear local traditional clothes on the proper occasions. If you wear them regularly, people might mistake you for a backpacker or tourist.
- You have a lawyer or notary who you regularly consult whether you need advice or not.
- The manager of your local bank pays social visits to your house and invites you to ceremonies at his or her house.
- You complain about your household help while explaining how much you pay them and what tremendous benefits you give them, and how three of their children are in university because of your generosity.
- You collect all the new expats before your friends do so as to enhance your status as an Expat-With-Influence.
- You extol the beauty of traditional architecture and the joys of tropical design, but also make a point of letting everyone know that you have the latest imported shower from Ace Hardware. Your house has a two page photo spread in the latest coffee table book on tropical architecture written by an expat.
- You have an architect – either foreign-trained or a local one who has lots of expat clients – who has designed your house and garden and charged you the cost of ten locally made houses.
- You complain about the corruption in the country, but have many stories to tell after a few too many drinks about all the times that you’ve bribed either the police or a local politician.
- You live in a kampung, not one of the new expat only compounds.
- You call your house a villa and have an infinity pool. You have solar panels on the roof for hot water to showcase your green lifestyle, but also have four air-conditioners running 24 hours a day.
- You have a long-term relationship with the head of the immigration department or the chief of police.
- You live in Ubud, Seminyak or Canggu.
- You have had at least one mystical experience in Bali and speak about it in hushed tones and explain your experience as an example of how integrated you are in the local community.
- You shop for imported delicacies at the expat delis and drink imported wine.
- You express your deep love and affection for Bali and the Balinese/Indonesians who live there, at the same time that you complain endlessly to your expat friends about the life, culture and religion of Bali and Indonesia.
- You’ve lost your sense of humor about life here and your role as an expat many years ago.
